Not so late.

So I'm writing and it's actually before 1am. It's 10:23...but as sleepy as I am already, let's see how long this one takes me! I'm getting sooo nervous about my recital!! Tomorrow is the dress rehearsal which means the next day is the real deal..ah! I'm dealing with a ton of dust that's apparently gotten in my lungs...so I've been sneezing all day :( Hopefully with the help of all the smart water and orange juice I've been chugging, everything will go ok.

I know it's natural...but sometimes the fact that I miss the people I've lost gets a lot worse sometimes. Right now is one of those times. One of the people is my Grandpa Lewis. He lived right across the road from me...and I was naturally VERY attached to him. Sometimes if I hadn't seen him in a while I would just have to skip across the road to steal a hug. He was quiet most of the time...and I knew if I had made him burst out laughing, I had done something pretty funny :) I think of him a lot. I know he'll be listening on my recital day...and he'll be watching at every important event of my life, I just miss him more than I could ever say...

Another person is my cousin Marlene. She was a music teacher in Davidson county. She passed away a few days before her 40th Birthday...I had an email on my computer from her two days before her death. She was congratulating me on being admitted into the music school at Appalachian. I think about her a lot while I'm at music conferences and such, because I know if she were around today, she would be there. I got an email from her husband today saying that she would be proud of me (in regards to my recital). Anyway...I just have a lot on my mind! The day after Marlene passed away I went to Mars Hill Honors chorus and one of the pieces was entitled In Remembrance by Eleanor Daley. I first read the text probably a month after Grandpa died, so the song will always be special to me. The words are very hopeful and inspiring.

Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am the thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sunlight-ripened grain,
I am the gentle morning rain.
And when you wake in the morning’s hush,
I am the sweet uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.